My wish for you, darling

This is an open letter to my daughter, Paige.

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Hey Darling,

My biggest wish for you is to be happy.

That small word is both simple and infinitely complex at the same time. It’s a paradox, and at times can feel like an asymptote. A line you’re always approaching but never quite touching. A moving target that shifts as you shift.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. What it means. How to find it. Whether it’s something you find at all, or something you build, slowly, day by day, without always realizing you’re doing it.

The simple part

The ways to be happy, generally speaking, are simple:

• Foster community, laughter, and support
• Move your body every day
• Eat well
• Listen to your heart
• Find your creative outlets
• Challenge yourself to grow

You could write these on a napkin. Most people would nod along. None of it is controversial. None of it is new.

The hard part

But it’s easy to get lost. Because in a very reductive way:

The how for each of these is deeply personal. What fills one person up drains another. What challenges one person bores the next. Your version of community might be a packed dinner table. Someone else’s might be one long phone call with a best friend.

That how will change as you grow and change. The things that bring you joy at 20 won’t be the same at 30. The things that ground you when you’re single won’t be the same as what grounds you as a parent. You will reinvent yourself many times over, and each version will need something different.

And the world is noisy. There are so many distractions that will inevitably lead you astray. Stress. Loss. World events. A sleepless night with your baby. The noise doesn’t stop. It just changes shape.

So from one imperfect being to another, here’s what I’ve got.

Stay present

Stay present. Stay mindful. Journal. Meditate. Reflect often.

I know that sounds like a bumper sticker. But here’s why it matters: you need to keep an eye on yourself. On your goals, on how you feel, and on whether you’re in need of a change.

It’s remarkably easy to drift. To wake up one day and realize you’ve been running on someone else’s track for months, maybe years. Not because you chose it, but because you stopped checking in. The days blurred together and momentum carried you somewhere you didn’t intend.

Presence is the antidote to drift. It doesn’t have to be an hour of silent meditation on a mountain. It can be five minutes with a notebook asking yourself, honestly: “Am I OK? Is this what I want? What do I need right now?”

Do this regularly and you’ll catch the drift early. You’ll course-correct while it’s still a small adjustment, not a life overhaul.

Control your interpretation

You can’t control reality. But you can control your interpretation of it.

I know how that sounds. Believe me. But stick with me.

There’s a silver lining to almost everything if you look for it. A failed project teaches you what not to build next time. A hard conversation strengthens a relationship. A terrible day makes the good ones feel earned.

This isn’t toxic positivity. I’m not saying “just think happy thoughts.” Some days are genuinely awful and they deserve to be felt fully. But the practice of looking, actively looking, for what you can take from a situation changes the texture of your life over time.

And if you master this, really master it, then the only bad days you have are the ones you choose. That’s not a small thing, Paige. That might be the biggest thing.

Life is a game you choose

Everything in life is a game of sorts.

Playing chess. Being a chess master. Being a spouse, a programmer, an investor, a friend, a traveler. You are always playing some game. Likely many at the same time.

The real trick is knowing that you are.

Once you see it, you can start to evaluate the games available to you. Their trade-offs. Their costs. And you can find the ones you actually want to play, instead of the ones you fell into by accident or obligation.

And once you realize everyone else is playing a game too (some the same as yours, some different, many without knowing it) then you start to understand, at least a little, why people behave the way they do. Why they hold the opinions they have. Why they make the choices that baffle you.

Some people optimize their games for financial security, and trade off creativity, fulfillment, or connection. Others optimize for family, health, or adventure. Some do it for recognition. Some optimize for positively impacting others’ lives, often at the expense of their own. Some very ambitious people try for all of the above. And some optimize for none, often unknowingly.

None of these are wrong. But choosing unknowingly, that’s the trap.

Life is a game you choose, so choose purposefully. Be aware of what you want out of life and then play. Or choose a new game. As your grandfather would say to me: “If you can’t have fun, don’t do it.”

The world gives back

There’s a lot of ways to say this one:

• You catch more flies with honey
• Being an asshole is just playing life on hard mode
• If you’re so smart, why aren’t you kind?
• You get what you give
• Treat others how you want to be treated
• All problems and solutions, at the end of the day, are people

So treat others well. Be kind. But remember your own boundaries.

Giving to others is a wonderful thing in and of itself. It’s human nature. There’s a reason it feels good. We’re wired for it. And if you do it genuinely, and you do it enough, the world will certainly give back. In the form of friendship, partners, opportunities, and love. In its own way and on its own time, of course.

You can’t force reciprocity. But you can create the conditions for it. And those conditions start with how you show up.

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A rose is beautiful because we choose to look at the petals, not the thorns, Darling.

Now I’m going to go look at you. I heard you need your bum changed.

Love,

Dad